As the old adage goes, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Perhaps returning to China as an expat after a stint away is the exception? Here I bring you my second first impressions as an expat in China.

Source: Ermell

Many expats have written about their first impression of China. That magical feeling of being somewhere truly alien that often colours our view of a country for years. Some have tales of frontier border crossings from Vietnam or Mongolia, while others recount feeling overwhelmed by the huge glass spires of Chinese skyscrapers looming out of the mist on the ferry from Hong Kong. My first impression of China took the form of an irate mask-clad health official whisking me out of the immigration queue at Beijing airport and accusing me of being a H5N1 carrier and, therefore, a national security risk. By the time I was actually allowed into China proper, I wasn’t very receptive to the magic.

Naturally, I was keen to have a second run at my spoilt first impression. So, after returning to China after my first Christmas holiday home in years, I set out onto the streets with my newly re-Westernised eyes, a notebook and a good attitude to see if I could soak up some of the magic I missed the first time around. There was plenty:

Street-side barbers

You’ll find thousands of these entrepreneurial individuals scattered all over the country. Armed with little more than a pair of scissors, clippers and a comb, they quite literally set up shop on the pavement, cutting the hair of those who dare. 

They don’t exactly offer the latest trends in balayage, but if all you want is a quick short back and sides (or the world famous nose hair trim) for less than the price of a bottle of Tsingtao, this is definitely an experience worth having. There’s nothing quite so surreal as sitting on a bustling street corner as clumps of your hair waft into the path of oncoming pedestrians. The locals will get a real kick out of seeing an expat in the chair, too. It’s nice to give back.

All dressed up with nowhere to go

Having been back home for the festive party season, I’d seen a few ladies in posh frocks and guys in bad blazers in recent weeks. Invariably, however, there was a good reason for cracking out the glad rags. They were on their way to some sort of occasion — a work Christmas party, a New Year gathering or a club with a dress-code, for example.

Back in China, however, I frequently encounter a great many impeccably made-up women (and a few men), who put the tarted up folk back home to shame. Most strikingly, this is because I see them in their finery in the grocery store, balancing on perilously high heels while distributing their weight between a giant Burberry handbag and a basket full of vegetables.

Much has been said on the topic of Chinese fashion sense, but there is definitely a ‘flaunt it’ mentality here. As someone who spends their life in jeans and a t-shirt, I’m in no position to judge. I just know that seeing someone buying sunflower oil at 10am in a full-length ball gown is something rather special.

Kaidangku

Moving on from the higher end of Chinese fashion to the (ahem) lower end. Perhaps the single most talked about item of clothing among new China expats is the kaidangku (literally "open crotch pants”). Sported by infants who would be of nappy wearing age in the West, they are simply trousers with a slit in the crotch that opens up to reveal a bare bum when the wearer squats.

Although they, and the accompanying habit of young children doing their business on the street, are a source of endless appalled fascination among expats, the truth is that the increasingly middle class Chinese populace is turning its back on kaidangku and starting to use disposable diapers by the truckload. I have personally met plenty of Chinese people who are more revolted than expats by some of their countrymen’s street side toilet activities.

That said, in terms of a, “Wow, I really am in a foreign country" moment, you cannot beat a no-nonsense grandmother holding the youngest member of her ancestral line bare-cheeked over a dustbin, whistling at the bemused child in order to speed up the act. You’re not in Kansas anymore!

Public employee lectures 

This just doesn’t happen back home. Perhaps it’s a logical offshoot from the standardised group exercises that take place every morning outside Chinese schools. Every day in China, we expats are mystified by the sight of stony-faced employees lined up outside their place of work while some officious-looking fellow barks at them through a megaphone.

While we may be welcomed to work on a Monday morning by a snarky "send to all" email from the boss, the Chinese take their employee berating activities to the street for all to see. Hairdressing salons and KTV joints are the most likely offenders, but I’ve seen restaurants, banks, gyms, football clubs and even a McDonald’s taking part in the public employee lectures.

Wacky races

A green man does not necessarily mean cars will stop for you, and a zebra crossing is just a pointless pattern on the road. A horn pip is not a driver alerting pedestrians to their presence, but rather a warning that they’re coming through fast. The direction in which you can travel on a freeway is optional (reverse is acceptable if you have overshot your exit). Right of way means "I’m in the way, therefore I’m right," and lanes should be switched as much as possible. There are a great deal of stereotypes about Chinese driving so I usually tend to avoid the issue completely, but famed expat author Peter Hessler explained it perfectly in his book Country Driving:

"People drive like they walk. They like to move in packs, and they tailgate whenever possible. They rarely use their turn signals. If they miss an exit on a highway, they simply pull onto the shoulder, shift in reverse, and get it right the second time. After years of long queues, Chinese people have learned to be ruthless about cutting in line, an instinct that is disastrous in traffic jams…"

While all of this is less than magical for both drivers and pedestrians alike, it certainly leaves an impression on an impressionable expat.

So there you have my (second) first impressions of China. What were yours? Tell us in the comments section below.

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Keywords: expat in China